Not a review: Peace Love and Misunderstanding

So you might think you are coming in in the middle sometimes. I guess we all are. There are numerous incarnations and attempts of this blog before. This is the first real post of this incarnation. So sorry to have lost old stuff, but at the same time, every once in a while I need to start fresh, and tell myself this time I’ll keep up with it. So welcome back for the first time.

Every once in a while I like to talk about some of the many movies I watch here. I don’t like to review them, because you can find reviews anywhere. I’d rather just use the experience of viewing as a launching point for conversations. I think the best movies get you thinking about things outside the movie. This is part of my ‘Not a Review’ series.

We recently saw the movie, Peace Love and Misunderstanding. Jane Fonda plays a 60’s hippy living at Woodstock, who tries to reconnect with her straight conservative daughter. Since this isn’t a review, I won’t bother to go into much more detail than that, because there was just one thing that struck me after the fact.

In one scene, one character belittles Jane Fonda’s character for her promiscuity. The guy then defends her saying, “Well, I think she just uses it to cover up her loneliness.” And of course my wonderfully trained mind just nods and says ‘yeah.’

But there is no sign anywhere that this is true. Her character seems happy with most aspects of her life (except for her disconnection with her daughter and her grandchildren). She does not seem apologetic, desperate or sad about her relationship life.

Here’s an alternative idea. Maybe she likes sex. Maybe she enjoys sharing joy and love with others, and is comfortable enough with herself to do that. We are trained to believe that someone who is promiscuous cannot possibly be happy with it. And even I buy into it sometimes.

I write this not because I am a promiscuous person. I’m not. I never have been really. Well not by my standards anyway. By some I’m sure my numbers are staggering. But I’ve never been the sort to just hop into bed without thought of consequences, of calls tomorrow, and of future entanglements. But the truth is I’m not that person. Part of me wishes I could be that, and another part of me is glad I’m not, because there are consequences, emotional and physical (such as disease exposure), and maybe I think it takes a callous person to disregard all that. Or at least that I'd have to be less concerned. I guess fantasy is always different than reality. I am happy with who I am, but I still imagine different scenarios, and different me's,. The point is, I cannot say someone who chooses a wilder life, is not happy. I can only say they aren't me, but i can certainly imagine it.

If you are emotionally able to be happy sharing love then why not be promiscuous? Can someone be happy and sexual at the same time? Why does someone who wants to share pleasure automatically have to be sad and lonely?  I can certainly envision a person who is comfortable and happy with themselves, who wants to experience pleasure and share pleasure. That person may have a single partner or they may not. Even though having a life partner is something I desire and I am glad to have, I don’t think it is necessary to every person’s individual happiness.

 But I think we are jealous of people like that, and tear them down. We don’t have the power or ability to be promiscuous ourselves. I think we are so jealous of that freedom, that we sour grapes it, and say they can’t really be happy like that. That sexual relationships strung together instead of being one deep sharing after another, must be shallow exchanges, leaving the person empty and alone. We take the sexually liberated free person, and imagine them to be a victim of their own excesses, instead of admiring their understanding of themselves, and their ability to be free.

It’s like locking ourselves in a cage because it’s safe, and then imagining how scary it must be to live out in the big free world, with no bars or boundaries to protect you. How lonely it must be, to be without a cage.