The older child speaks

I’ve had a few computer catastrophes lately. Whenever I resolve to do something like this blog, and I get behind it, life throws obstacles at me, and usually I just flake out. But in this case, it’s improved my resolve. I NEED to do this, so I’m still here, though I was ahead of the game in writing, so if I didn’t have anything I’d have a few days to catch up. Losing the back log slows me down, plus there’s the fact that I haven’t had a computer for days, so I haven’t been updating obviously.But I have a computer again, so I’m here.

 So I guess I’ll talk about my age. As I write this, I’m 20 hours short of being 48. I work in a hotel for near minimum wage. I’m divorced. And I feel about as successful as a person can feel. Because for me, I think you have to base success on the only thing that matters in life - joy, happiness and love. And I have had an abundance of all three throughout my life. I guess someone who does rate life on financial, commercial or business success could cry sour grapes, but I don’t see it that way. I’m very proud of the fact that I've never burned any huge section of my life chasing the almighty dollar, or devoting my life to a career for its future potential. I've really tried to live every moment, and enjoy it.  And I've spent most of my life happy, despite the roadblocks, the personal failures, and the disconnections that do occur. I miss some people I have lost (more on death in another post) but I also love the ones I have so much, I just can’t imagine things another way.

I think back. I would have liked to have saved my marriage, but the truth is I made my wife happy for a few years, and she’s happy again where she is now, and that’s good. It means I've helped someone I loved on their journey, and whatever my frustrations, how can I feel bad about that.

And I love where I am. I’d like more time. I’d like to free myself from a ‘clock in’ type job., but actually I think that’s possible, in a way I never did before. And there’s one more thing that I think keeps me young. I’m still learning. I’m still learning about life, love, computers, music, religions, and well, everything. As long as there is more to learn, more to embrace and more to look forward to, well that’s all youth is isn’t it? So I’m happy that I am still so young, to see the world of hope and possibility lay before me, and look forward to another 40 years of childhood, before I become the bitter curmudgeon many of my friends think I already am.

And now that I have left my house and restarted things, I don’t have a lawn to chase people off of like a bitter angry old man, so there’s that.